"I am in a delicate situation, caught between telling it like it is and not wanting to offend John, Mary Ann or the presumably woke attendees at this service."
I'd be honest and personal and avoid political issues if possible. The woke attendees will be neither honest nor neutral, they will be highly partisan, looking to weaponize any "offense" or "concern" they can conceive of. Write something that will be just as true five years from now as it is today. That's my advice.
That's what I'm trying. But these folks are ingenious about taking offense where none was intended or could even be conceived. I'm giving it a lot of work.
Naomi, the deceased, in her worse moments would say snide, cutting things about Oksana, to the effect that she had no vision in life beyond husband and kids. But, by the same token, she lamented the emptiness in her own life not having the same herself. That's the needle I'm threading.
" But, by the same token, she lamented the emptiness in her own life not having the same herself." That sounds a bit like reaction formation - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reaction_formation - "In psychoanalytic theory, reaction formation (German: Reaktionsbildung) is a defense mechanism in which emotions and impulses which are anxiety-producing or perceived to be unacceptable are mastered by exaggeration of the directly opposing tendency.[1][2] The reaction formations belong to Level 3 of neurotic defense mechanisms, which also include dissociation, displacement, intellectualization, and repression."
"I am in a delicate situation, caught between telling it like it is and not wanting to offend John, Mary Ann or the presumably woke attendees at this service."
I'd be honest and personal and avoid political issues if possible. The woke attendees will be neither honest nor neutral, they will be highly partisan, looking to weaponize any "offense" or "concern" they can conceive of. Write something that will be just as true five years from now as it is today. That's my advice.
That's what I'm trying. But these folks are ingenious about taking offense where none was intended or could even be conceived. I'm giving it a lot of work.
Naomi, the deceased, in her worse moments would say snide, cutting things about Oksana, to the effect that she had no vision in life beyond husband and kids. But, by the same token, she lamented the emptiness in her own life not having the same herself. That's the needle I'm threading.
That's a small eye in that particular needle, but I think you can do it. Got a spy to see if your remarks actually get delivered?
I have faith in my brother-in-law John. He'll do it. I'm sending the talk well in advance, so he can let me know if he's uncomfortable with any of it.
" But, by the same token, she lamented the emptiness in her own life not having the same herself." That sounds a bit like reaction formation - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reaction_formation - "In psychoanalytic theory, reaction formation (German: Reaktionsbildung) is a defense mechanism in which emotions and impulses which are anxiety-producing or perceived to be unacceptable are mastered by exaggeration of the directly opposing tendency.[1][2] The reaction formations belong to Level 3 of neurotic defense mechanisms, which also include dissociation, displacement, intellectualization, and repression."
She would have understood the psychological explanation. To me it is just common sense. Anyhow, she doesn't have to deal with it any more.