In my house, after 14 years of marriage, I have successfully used this statement to address your opening concern: “you may ask me to do something OR you can tell me how you would like it done. This is mutually exclusive.” Some adapted version should workout. Try it and let me see how it goes. It all stems from insecurity, although your point about the examples of the parents is certainly a contributing factor not to be ignored, although addressing that is in the Head Shrinker’s realm. By them demanding not only will you unload the dishwasher for them but if you don’t start with the mugs and glasses then apparently the 7 horsemen will appear, is incredibly annoying. As you mentioned, does it matter? The answer is A resounding NO. If they’d been in the bathroom instead of the kitchen while tending to said chore, they would have no idea you started with the damn silverware and nobody would be upset about it after it was all put away. After 14+ years, the frequency has dropped dramatically. Especially after they’ve been reminded so many times that the only reason they are doing this is a desire to be “right” in every way, including the most mundane rote tasks. But for years 1-5 I wasn’t sure this thing would last. Just because of situations where they demand you do something and what method must be employed. Infuriating.
In my house, after 14 years of marriage, I have successfully used this statement to address your opening concern: “you may ask me to do something OR you can tell me how you would like it done. This is mutually exclusive.” Some adapted version should workout. Try it and let me see how it goes. It all stems from insecurity, although your point about the examples of the parents is certainly a contributing factor not to be ignored, although addressing that is in the Head Shrinker’s realm. By them demanding not only will you unload the dishwasher for them but if you don’t start with the mugs and glasses then apparently the 7 horsemen will appear, is incredibly annoying. As you mentioned, does it matter? The answer is A resounding NO. If they’d been in the bathroom instead of the kitchen while tending to said chore, they would have no idea you started with the damn silverware and nobody would be upset about it after it was all put away. After 14+ years, the frequency has dropped dramatically. Especially after they’ve been reminded so many times that the only reason they are doing this is a desire to be “right” in every way, including the most mundane rote tasks. But for years 1-5 I wasn’t sure this thing would last. Just because of situations where they demand you do something and what method must be employed. Infuriating.
Thank you! Either - or. That's the right way to address it.